Freedom Found In Restriction
/Back when iso became the norm and life as we knew it changed forever, I wrote a post titled “I went to the beach today…” The general gist behind this post was a question that had been circulating in my mind – what did I want this forced time of rest and restrain to look like?
Covid-19 is still a reality but things are starting to relax gradually here in Australia. What I find fascinating is how many people I have spoken to during this time who have said “I don’t want things to go back to the way they were…”. I completely understand their plight.
We have experienced what a life, based around home, looks like. We’ve had to learn new ways of entertaining ourselves. We’ve lost every reason to not finish those unfinished projects. And we’ve learned how to love each other from a distance.
I will not lie, I for one have loved not feeling guilty for staying at home on a Saturday night. I have discovered through this experience that I have been living, unconsciously, in FOMO. Or rather, it’s a fear of people judging me because I didn’t go out on Saturday night or have epic plans for the weekend. I wanted to be at home and I suddenly had permission to be. Not just permission but it was government mandated!
I thought I would really struggle to be at home by myself for 2 months, only able to see friends who lived close by and only while walking. But I found myself embracing the freedom found in the restriction. The freedom to not “have to” do anything or live up to anyone’s expectations (regardless as to whether or not those expectations actually existed).
Who would have thought that when freedom is restricted, the world actually thrives? Certainly not us humans, that for sure. But I imagine God does, given it was the very thing he did to create the world. God himself had to contract in order to create space for the creation to exist. It’s a Hebrew term called Zimzum. A restriction or contraction of freedom in order for something else to thrive.
Amidst this contraction of freedom, I have been able to prioritise mental and physical health. I have discovered sweet spots of beauty I had previously rushed past on walks. I have been able to focus on eating well and enjoyed the reduction in unnecessary spending, the impulse buying minimised. My limited freedom has allowed other, more important things to flourish.
There is so much I have enjoyed about this time, so much I have struggled with and so much I have to be grateful for. So no wonder my response to “post-covid life” is one of concern and reservation, I’m afraid of losing how I’ve changed. I’m not sure what of this time will remain with me (I wish every observation, every lesson, every new routine would continue) but I don’t want to lose the way it is changing me by rushing back to an expansive life, one that had little space for anything else to thrive. And for today, at least, the commitment to that desire is all that is needed.
How can we hold the tension of the ‘now’ and ‘not yet’?
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