Sick of reading about it?
/Earlier this week I announced that at some point this year I would be releasing my first book “Single Me: Learning To Love The Unwanted Path of Singleness”. It is something I have been working for almost 2 years and it’s finally at a point where it’s ready to be released.
A comment popped up on my Facebook from a friend asking me to give her a reason to read yet another book on singleness. This caught my attention. I hadn’t considered that I would need to prove that my book was helpful to fellow singles. But I liked how this challenged me to think about those who may feel a little fatigued by what books are currently in the market for Christian singles. I don’t want this book to just be another “Sunday school” answer. As a single person, I know how annoying it is when all you’re met with is “just trust Jesus” in response to your laments about being single. It’s not that this, and other answers like it, are wrong. It’s that in your moment of deep loneliness or rejection, it can feel like only words.
So I decided to respond to Mel in the form of a blog post because I’m pretty sure she isn’t the only one to have “Christian Single Book Advice Fatigue”.
Mel’s Comment: “Keen for a good reason to read another book on Christian singleness; what’s your hook for people (ah la me) who are sick of reading about it?”
Challenge accepted Mel!
I’m not sure why you’re sick of reading them but I can identify with the disappointment of reading books that either provide me a “Sunday School” answer, give me yet another 10 steps to finding someone or generally make me feel like I’m not doing enough and that singleness is something that I need to get out of- ASAP! Like it’s a disease that needs a cure. The motivation behind me writing this book was selfish really. I wanted to write something I would actually find helpful and would want to read.
Let’s be honest, singleness is hard enough as it is without reading all the ways you’re not doing it right (as if there is a set of rules or goals you need to hit in order to be living it right!?). The last thing I wanted to do was make anyone feel like I have it all together and I know all the answers. That’s why it’s a “learning to love” tag line and not a “you should love” because there are plenty of days where I don’t love it, I get frustrated and disappointed in my single status and just generally hate it.
I don’t think there is a one-size-fits-all approach to singleness, dating or marriage. What worked for one person doesn’t mean it will work for you. So I intentionally try to not offer answers or “how-to’s”, but rather explore the questions and challenges I am wrestling with as a single person. Think of it as me, sitting with you, over a coffee saying “I feel this…do you feel that way too?” or “I’ve experienced this….have you experienced it too?”
I share a lot of my personal experiences in this book – so at the very least you’ll probably have a chuckle at some of my ridiculous antics! – but my hope and prayer is that by sharing my story and experiences, those who read the book will feel a little less alone, a little less disconnected and a little less like they are failing. Because being single is not a failure, even though at times it can feel like it.
I wanted to focus on the realities of singleness. There is a lot we are feeling and not saying and those feelings matter. The way well-intentioned friends and family can actually be unhelpful. How the church alienates single people through its constant focus on marriage and family (is there such a position as “The Singles Pastor” or does this fall under the jurisdiction of Young Adults because apparently only Young Adults are single…?). I also don’t shy away from drawing out the work I feel we need to do as single people, it’s work I myself have had to do. And finally, I share some of my own revelations about singleness and how there is actually a lot of good to be found in it.
So Mel, my “hook” to you is this: don’t read it. Don’t read it if you aren’t in a space to do so. Honour where you are. If you are feeling over it all, then great. Ride that rollercoaster, my friend. Let how you are feeling about being single breath.
Then, once you’ve done that, I’d encourage you to download the sample chapter and let me know your honest thoughts. My intention is not to add to the chatter that’s out there but rather to be a voice of encouragement in a season that is difficult to navigate. So I need people like you to let me know if something doesn’t hit the mark for you. I reserve the right to not agree, but I welcome the discussion. Because just as you have done with that Facebook post, being challenged is the only way we experience growth. And for the single individual, that’s really important.
Thanks Mel for challenging me and making this book better.
How can we hold the tension of the ‘now’ and ‘not yet’?
Download a Free Sample Chapter of my soon-to-be-released book ‘Single Me: Learning to Love The Unwanted Path of Singleness’
